Baby Step

Emma saw him...

...and fell in love and showed me.

Prior to this, our agency had given us space for many weeks, letting us know that they were there for us whenever we felt ready to venture back into thoughts of adoption.

My heart said I would never be ready, but the Lord was speaking, "through the Valley...not to."  Another time He had plainly reminded me that there were millions of orphans waiting for a family and that my pain didn't make their need vanish.

I told Him I wasn't ready.  And I sensed His Spirit whisper...you'll never be 'ready'.  If you wait till you feel better, you'll be waiting forever while another child goes without a family.

I knew He was telling me I was going to have to continue through the pain.

Our agency had sent us a file shortly after Emma "met" Jake.  Just the act of opening that little one's file felt like a betrayal to Luke.  My heart screamed, "I want Luke!  I don't want to look at other children's files!  I want Luke!" 

Betrayal...that was the emotion I was overwhelmed by at the thought of looking at other children's files.

Unless you are an adoptive parent, I'm not sure how to explain to you how very much Luke is our child.  He wasn't going to be...he is.  He can't be replaced.  And looking at another child's files left a bitter taste in my mouth and an ache in my heart that wanted my lovable Luke to know he was irreplacable. 

I know that the Lord was working on my heart as we prayed over that file.  He gave us both a peace that that little one was not ours and that her family was waiting for her.  Indeed, within a few weeks she was accepted by her forever family.

As difficult as looking at her file was, it was a baby step toward our third son.

I know I promised to tell you his name, but I need to explain why that name...and that's a little later in the story!

In Him,

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