They have been raw posts.
I also want to share just a bit of what we have come to know. That... "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." Psalm 23
Do you know what I have discovered about the valley?
There are beautiful flowers there.
And these flowers only grow there. There in the Valley of the Shadow.
So, what happened next in December would hardly seem on the surface to be the beginning of the Lord showing me some of what He was wanting to teach me in the Valley of the Shadow of Death...but it truly was.
I had gone to bed the night of December 30th and woke up the next morning in an ambulance. I soon discovered that I was there because I had had a grand mal seizure while I was sleeping and my wonderful, loves-me-so-much, hero of a husband had called 911. I know it was one of most terrifying things he has experienced.
[Just so you know...I am fine now and have not had another seizure since. An underlying hormone imbalance combined with the intense stress of Luke's death is what the neurologists believe caused the seizure to happen. The hormone imbalance is being treated and I am doing much better.]
God used this in a powerful way...as He promises me He will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). You see in the days preceding the seizure and subsequent 2 day hospitalization, I knew in my head that Luke is so much better off with the Lord than with us. I knew in my head that he is whole and healthy and all of the wounds of life upon his body and spirit were totally healed. I was happy in my head that he is with his perfect Daddy.
But my heart was struggling to take hold of what I knew.
I sat in a hospital for 2 days having procedure after test after scan run. Our friends and family surrounded us in the most amazing outpouring of love and support. I saw my husband's immense love for me poured out in the most tender and protective of ways.
But none of that made me want to be in the hospital being poked and prodded over and over.
In the midst of all of that, the Lord reminded me that this was just 2 days...for Luke it would have been something he experienced regularly. In those 2 days, I got just a glimpse of what life would have been like for him...even with loving family to support and care for him...and it made my heart rejoice that he would never have to see any doctor other than the Great Physician again.
My heart finally was able to feel some of what my head knew. There was a sense of relief for Luke that he wouldn't have to experience this again.
The Lord has been teaching me much since Luke's death. It has been an exceptionally rich and intimate time with the Lord. A time of growth in intimacy with my Father, Savior, and Lord that has been in proportion to the pain of the trial.
This was just the tip of the iceberg of what the Lord wanted to show me...I could never share it all...but I can share some.
To be continued...
In Him,
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